The Wheelchair Rodeo

In homage to Seth and Amy from Saturday Night Live....this is a little segment I call:

REALLY?!? With Inside the Black and Whites.

Two days in a row my probationary officer and I had to transport stinky, filthy, dirty, smelly, disgusting transient (SEE homeless person OR f#$%ing bum) across the wide expanse of the City of Angels. Why? Because someone (not me) arrested them and we need to get them to jail/court/county lockup/jail dispensary. Oh and both times they were in wheelchairs.

REALLY?!?

What the f#$% are the jailers doing? We do have jailers, don't we? I mean, REALLY, the city would rather pay two officers making base pay between $65-100k a year to NOT patrol the streets but instead to be HOMELESS ARRESTEE TAXI SERVICE?

And REALLY!?! The car is black and white not YELLOW!
And REALLY!?! It took no less than 5 (YEAH F-I-V-E!) hours both times we did it. Almost half the day gone...
And REALLY!?! People wonder why it takes so long to get the LAPD to your house? Averaging four cars on a weekday, on day shift, to cover no less than 24 square miles and the best policy we can come up with is "Let the officer drive this jackass to jail."
And REALLY!?! Do you think there is anything I can teach a rookie on such a run other than, "Hey, it's the LAPD, we do more with less." or "Hey, don't feel bad, we've always been this fucking inefficient, and nobody cares. Enjoy it. We get paid the same whether we drink coffee or shoot at bad guys."
And REALLY!?! If you're a criminal in a wheelchair you should...wait. REALLY!?! You're in a friggin' wheelchair! Why are you even trying to commit crimes you dimwit?
And REALLY!?! You can always tell how important the officer's time is by how the department treats them. Look around at your police station. Really. If you don't see a paddywagon to transport these idiots criminals from the field to the jail, the department is wasting the officers time.
And REALLY!?! As funny and tragic as it sounds, you really have to admire my fellow officers for doing as much as we do under this kind of nonsensical, ridiculous system. The way Federal, State and local governments run their operations, they wouldn't survive a year in the private sector. And Los Angeles is about as corrupt as it gets.

REALLY! If you don't believe me, take a day off and go to a Los Angeles City Council Meeting. Goat Rodeo to the Nth degree and I am not kidding. Like herding cats. Be happy the whole damn city is not on fire or under water right now...

And REALLY!? We do appreciate it when people tell us thanks...even when we're in traffic or the middle of our lunch. We do this job for the people and it is fun. Dangerous but fun.
And REALLY!?! They pay me pretty well, so I can't always bitch, but it's funny :-)