Can you imagine if police officers, firefighters, paramedics, teachers were the "pros" we admired instead of some dumbass, under-educated actor? Or instead of some of the half-wit, shoe-endorsing sports morons we so look up to? Try this one on for size...
"Hi, I'm Officer Danny Deanza of the Los Angeles Police Department. As a traffic officer, I talk to lots of people. So my breath has to be MINTY FRESH! That's why I use Extra gum."
or
Show a scene of a cop changing at his locker:
"After I hard day at work, I like to take the edge off with a few buddies." CUT TO A VIDEO ARCADE SETTING "That's why 4 out of 5 cops prefer Dave & Buster's for a great meal, cool beer and fun games...."
Probably what we should do is keep stats like baseball players. If people started to understand all the paperwork and nonsense we go through, the stats would sound pretty significant. We count felonies, misdemeanors, traffic citations, parking cites, even assists. Some days a guy could be well on his way to a hat trick or triple double!
In a 12 hours/ 28-day deployment period, an officer works 13 days with 15 off. Now it might sound like a lot of days off, but we have court dates, traffic court and other important nonsense to contend with. For goodness sake, 15 days off a month...I don't know how people do it with just Saturday and Sunday off. God bless you all.
Anywho, I am all for seeing this commercial:
"I'm not an actor, I'm a cop. But I've done some moonlighting as an actor to put my kid through USC. That's why I drink Starbucks Coffee! Starbucks is the fresh pick-me-up I need to finish a 12-hour shift, sleep in my car for 2 hours then sit on set someplace in the Valley on my Harley-Davidson working a sweet security job for 10 hours to pay off that house in Big Bear. Starbucks. The coffee that keeps you going."
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Homicide With A Side of Suicide, Anyone?
Soooo.....yesterdays roll call started out great and then....the Watch Commander said "I need a unit to go right now to relieve the unit at a homicide scene." My hand shot up. I have a new officer I'm training and they need the exposure. Crime scene logs, maintaining crime scene security, seeing and speaking with detectives...the whole green grocer.
On the way out the door, one of my past probationary officers sees me and tells me that the homicide is strange one...the victim is buried in the backyard. I get to the scene and sure enough, victim is partially sticking out of the backyard. No, no kidding, I see an arm and a leg. Welcome to the City of Angels.
Lots of pictures of the deceased in the house - this was a good person whose family loved them - but the body is just a shell now. It has become THE grass-and-dirt covered destination for the single-file column of ants arriving from parts unknown. The rest comes later. The coroner team has to meticulously unearth the body, we have to keep a few family members away. Detectives have to gather leads, info, evidence from the body and the dirt. Luckily this all happens on a quiet street so we avoid any media.
LAPD makes great detectives. You work for years in patrol, narcotics, gang unit, what have you and then turn that bachelors or masters degree to work at detectives. And they bring all that experience to bear, with respect and dignity for the victim, and the mission is to get that suspect. But most of us, patrol, gangs, detectives, we're used to the gangster shot dead in the street. POW! Shooting call comes out, victim down, we show up and "Li'l Boo Boo" is shot dead in the street. Some freakin' street lizard admitted gangmember that you stopped a bunch of times, that you arrested for robbery, that was still out on the street, honestly - fuck that guy. He had to know that Heaven was never going to be a destination on his bus pass. And the trip wasn't coming easy. I'm more worried that a stray bullet from that fool's shooting might hit the mother of three, playing with her kids two blocks over.
But the dead victim in the backyard. We give her the respect. She didn't deserve what she got. Everyone I saw come by their house was crying...crying like they lost everything. Men and women. This person was taking care of people. And how they ended up? Just not right. Not right. Yeah, we can be cynical, clinical, professional. But you know we do this because we want to help people and we can't help this one.
And as I drive away from that one, late in the afternoon, about three hours left to go home, two shooting calls come out. Because a bunch of guys who tried to rob a marijuana store botch it. And the security guard gets one of the suspects in cuffs and Suspect-2 tries to free his homeboy, but guess what, the guard shoots his ass. Good for you, guard. And they both flee but get caught in their car. And this generates about 10 radio calls! So when I go to help the units out sitting on the abandoned suspect car, I think "Man, great training for the new kid!" And I'm telling them all about tactics and crime broadcasts and preserving the scene and How-a-victim-could-really-be-the-suspect.
So as we are standing by, the officers at scene open the suspect vehicle and it is full of blood in the backseat-Bingo! "See here, kid, this is how we preserve evidence. Get some photos in place. Get some paper bags so the bloody shirt can be recovered...." The radio cuts in, BEEP-BEEP-BEEP (Code 3 call coming) "(Insert Division Here) Units, handle the ambulance suicide just occurred, 1234 Blank Ave" I gotta buy that call. We're two blocks away. It's my assigned car area! What the hell? The day started on death, let's end it on death and go home with some balance. We got a few hours left. Put that call in my Stack. "Show me handling, responding Code 3 from the corner of Walk and Don't Walk Streets." Yeah, this day will be good training for the rookie.
On the way out the door, one of my past probationary officers sees me and tells me that the homicide is strange one...the victim is buried in the backyard. I get to the scene and sure enough, victim is partially sticking out of the backyard. No, no kidding, I see an arm and a leg. Welcome to the City of Angels.
Lots of pictures of the deceased in the house - this was a good person whose family loved them - but the body is just a shell now. It has become THE grass-and-dirt covered destination for the single-file column of ants arriving from parts unknown. The rest comes later. The coroner team has to meticulously unearth the body, we have to keep a few family members away. Detectives have to gather leads, info, evidence from the body and the dirt. Luckily this all happens on a quiet street so we avoid any media.
LAPD makes great detectives. You work for years in patrol, narcotics, gang unit, what have you and then turn that bachelors or masters degree to work at detectives. And they bring all that experience to bear, with respect and dignity for the victim, and the mission is to get that suspect. But most of us, patrol, gangs, detectives, we're used to the gangster shot dead in the street. POW! Shooting call comes out, victim down, we show up and "Li'l Boo Boo" is shot dead in the street. Some freakin' street lizard admitted gangmember that you stopped a bunch of times, that you arrested for robbery, that was still out on the street, honestly - fuck that guy. He had to know that Heaven was never going to be a destination on his bus pass. And the trip wasn't coming easy. I'm more worried that a stray bullet from that fool's shooting might hit the mother of three, playing with her kids two blocks over.
But the dead victim in the backyard. We give her the respect. She didn't deserve what she got. Everyone I saw come by their house was crying...crying like they lost everything. Men and women. This person was taking care of people. And how they ended up? Just not right. Not right. Yeah, we can be cynical, clinical, professional. But you know we do this because we want to help people and we can't help this one.
And as I drive away from that one, late in the afternoon, about three hours left to go home, two shooting calls come out. Because a bunch of guys who tried to rob a marijuana store botch it. And the security guard gets one of the suspects in cuffs and Suspect-2 tries to free his homeboy, but guess what, the guard shoots his ass. Good for you, guard. And they both flee but get caught in their car. And this generates about 10 radio calls! So when I go to help the units out sitting on the abandoned suspect car, I think "Man, great training for the new kid!" And I'm telling them all about tactics and crime broadcasts and preserving the scene and How-a-victim-could-really-be-the-suspect.
So as we are standing by, the officers at scene open the suspect vehicle and it is full of blood in the backseat-Bingo! "See here, kid, this is how we preserve evidence. Get some photos in place. Get some paper bags so the bloody shirt can be recovered...." The radio cuts in, BEEP-BEEP-BEEP (Code 3 call coming) "(Insert Division Here) Units, handle the ambulance suicide just occurred, 1234 Blank Ave" I gotta buy that call. We're two blocks away. It's my assigned car area! What the hell? The day started on death, let's end it on death and go home with some balance. We got a few hours left. Put that call in my Stack. "Show me handling, responding Code 3 from the corner of Walk and Don't Walk Streets." Yeah, this day will be good training for the rookie.
Friday, May 8, 2009
More Action, More Fun, Morbid Humor
While it goes without saying that death can be a hell of a way to end the day, you have to find humor in it. This job ensure one thing; death, injuries, pain and lots of laughs! Step right up folks and you shall see! People hanging themselves, violent traffic collisions! Battery suspects who got pretty well-battered themselves :-)
The rumor is true! Coppers have a morbid sense of humor. As a gangster once told me, "You gotta balance your smiles and cries." True, true. Yes, we are the folks dressed in blue, standing by the roadside, apparently chuckling at some poor citizen's misfortune. Do we laugh at death? Yeah, you have to laugh at death. Sometimes its random and sometimes it seems soooo directed. How can you help but laugh at the gangmember that robbed so many people and got away with it, only to die being ejected from his vehicle driving too fast without a seatbelt? We see the dumbest stuff, and tragic stuff too. We make corny jokes (at scene on a traffic collision with a man's severed arm, officers saying "give that guy a hand" type of humor). We judge ( "Ma'am, do you really think driving with both earphones in is legal or are you just crazy?") But we do so many of these things as a defense and sanity mechanism to keep us from going nuts.
Because we do see some sad and crazy things. Would you ever think to dress up a beached sea lion with a wig and clothing then call the cops about a dead body? It happens. And strangely enough, sea lion can look like a badly decomposed body! Would you ever call 9-1-1 for directions to Staples Center? Or to find out if an officer (of the nearly 10,000 we have!) is single? It happens. And sometimes it is just plain funny. We have fun at work just like everyone else. We just have some strange duties to attend to.
As a young officer I worked in one are where I had all the senior homes and nursing homes memorized. Why? Because a death investigation at a nursing home is a guaranteed easy one. There is already a doctor there to sign off on the death certificate! Does that sound terrible? I guess it might, but everyone knows the easy tasks at their job. Ours is no different it just deals with a little blood and guts.
Oh and driving fast.
Oh and telling people things to help them prevent being a victim.
Oh and asking me for directions to Disneyland in the middle of me eating lunch.
Oh and telling me how many of their 2nd cousin's uncles are cops.
Oh and telling me how much they appreciate you.
Oh and they also say thanks!
It is a cool job.
The rumor is true! Coppers have a morbid sense of humor. As a gangster once told me, "You gotta balance your smiles and cries." True, true. Yes, we are the folks dressed in blue, standing by the roadside, apparently chuckling at some poor citizen's misfortune. Do we laugh at death? Yeah, you have to laugh at death. Sometimes its random and sometimes it seems soooo directed. How can you help but laugh at the gangmember that robbed so many people and got away with it, only to die being ejected from his vehicle driving too fast without a seatbelt? We see the dumbest stuff, and tragic stuff too. We make corny jokes (at scene on a traffic collision with a man's severed arm, officers saying "give that guy a hand" type of humor). We judge ( "Ma'am, do you really think driving with both earphones in is legal or are you just crazy?") But we do so many of these things as a defense and sanity mechanism to keep us from going nuts.
Because we do see some sad and crazy things. Would you ever think to dress up a beached sea lion with a wig and clothing then call the cops about a dead body? It happens. And strangely enough, sea lion can look like a badly decomposed body! Would you ever call 9-1-1 for directions to Staples Center? Or to find out if an officer (of the nearly 10,000 we have!) is single? It happens. And sometimes it is just plain funny. We have fun at work just like everyone else. We just have some strange duties to attend to.
As a young officer I worked in one are where I had all the senior homes and nursing homes memorized. Why? Because a death investigation at a nursing home is a guaranteed easy one. There is already a doctor there to sign off on the death certificate! Does that sound terrible? I guess it might, but everyone knows the easy tasks at their job. Ours is no different it just deals with a little blood and guts.
Oh and driving fast.
Oh and telling people things to help them prevent being a victim.
Oh and asking me for directions to Disneyland in the middle of me eating lunch.
Oh and telling me how many of their 2nd cousin's uncles are cops.
Oh and telling me how much they appreciate you.
Oh and they also say thanks!
It is a cool job.
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