Fakin' The Funk or Get Outta Jail By Playing Sick

A few months ago (try early August 2009) I get a call of a vandalism / trespass suspect at a local hotel on Century Blvd. It is still early in the day, around 1100 hours, so we head over to try and handle the call quickly and move on. I figure it is probably some panhandler or some guest at the hotel who broke something.

Well, wrong, wrong, and wrong again. When we get there, turns out the guy is in custody in the security office. Apparently, he is a FREQUENT panhandler at the location. So much so that they have photographed him and ordered him to stay away. But, sensible guy that he is, do you think he listened? NO! I mean, this is a down economy! A guy has to work hard for the money, right?

This goofball, he's sitting on the floor, complaining that the handcuffs are one too tight and everything else. So we switch cuffs and run him for warrants. Surprise, surprise, surprise, as Gomer Pyle used to say, he's wanted for a bunch of stuff. Time for this hobo to go-go. He's no kid, been arrested before, he knows the dance. But that doesn't keep him from begging the whole way to the police station about letting him get a break, and letting him go and on and on and on and "Dude, be quiet. You sound like one of my kids. Stop whining and act like a man! Go to jail, clear your warrants, you'll be out in a few. You got more time than money."

We get him to the station, get the paperwork ready to book, everything is signed...suddenly it's Academy Award time. I mean, this guy fakes the funk with the best of them. Chest pains, arm pains, my head hurts, I need a doctor....all bull. But this is LAPD! We call this guy an ambulance and LA Fire Dept has to transport Defendant Dumbass to a contract hospital to clear him for booking.

Did I mention that my "rookie" partner used to be Los Angeles County Sheriff's Jailer? We did everything we could to keep from laughing at this guy at the hospital. His act was about as transparent as the wrap you put over the leftovers. He refused tests (because they would obviously show he was full of it...full of $@#*) and even began to talk slower and rasp his voice. At one point I think we even clapped for his performance. He was fake-dying with the best of them. And yet, we treated him courteously, the doctors treated him courteously and professionally- even though he was an idiot. But whenever the doctors left, he told my partner and I in a perfectly pain-free, unstressed, totally coherent voice, "Fuck you guys, I ain't going to no fuckin' jail and you can't make me." This went on for awhile. And then he said he wanted to make a complaint about the service.

I had enough. I called a supervisor, because that's what we do. Thank you Consent Decree. The supervisor, an experienced and respected field veteran of over 20 years, came to my aid and I filled said expert in on the details. We all went in, left the door open, the suspect said (on tape) that he had no complaint against any of us, that we had been fair to him, but he didn't want to go to jail. Then, in the interest of gathering information about any possible misconduct by officers, the supervisor made my partner and I leave the room.

The door closed.
A minute elapsed.
The door opened.
The supervisor had a smile.
"Everything's OK guys! He'll go to jail, no more problems."
The supervisor patted us on the back. "Good job today."
The supervisor left the hospital.
The arrestee was suddenly healed, friendly and happy.
We transported him to 77th Jail for booking without further incident.

Don't let anyone tell you that experience doesn't count. They don't have the experience and they don't count.

Support Your Local Gunfighter!

This is a response I wrote to all the nonsense comments posted regarding this article:

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2009618456_webdeputyshooting07m.html

Before everyone jumps to conclusions, let us look at a few things. This story has few details, probably alot more than the deputy on duty got before this ended in a shooting. A great headline that really grabs you sells papers but doesn't tell the story. We need to offer Kidlit (another commenter) our condolences because that was apparently his family member that died.

As an officer, I find all the posts interesting. Read my past comments by clicking on my screen name and you will see that I try to be fair but I am biased FOR police officers. That said, the investigation has just begun and may take months to complete. Do officers get exonerated in a righteous shoot? Sure, to some degree, but you still have to live with yourself. Might you go to federal prison as an officer if you murdered someone needlessly? Yes, that can happen too.

For someone to comment that "people who choose to serve our community usually get into the gig not because it was a passion, but because they didnt know what they wanted to do with themselves" is a grossly reckless and irresponsible characterization of a vast group of public servants who are safeguarding so many people on a daily basis. And yeah, you're welcome!

Your training, department policy and experience dictates how you react in the middle of the night on a dark road with a potentially life-threatening scenario. So many people choose to jump to the conclusion that the deputy was some jack-booted thug out trampling all over people's rights so he can be a big man. Most likely, he is a guy with a few years on who wanted to go home at the end of his shift like everyone else.

For those of you who PERPETUALLY JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, as I have seen in here so frequently, let me give you some anecdotal evidence. As a Los Angeles Police Officer I have seen more domestic violence calls, more burglaries, more robberies and WAY more 5150 (man/woman with mental illness)callouts in the past 6 months than I have seen in a long time. Some people are fearful, they are struggling and they are hurting. Until we get a toxicology report, we won't know what the deceased had in his bloodstream, if anything. We won't know the tactics and chain of events of this situation until the shooting team is done with their investigation.

Please people, reserve judgement until a later date. It is not the hate-filled world some of you believe, neither is it all sweetness and light. I tell my trainees that the most important thing we do everyday is when we have to take away someone's freedom. We have a Bill of Rights! You cannot take that lightly! But sometimes you are confronted by situations that do not allow for less-than-lethal force. Sometimes you can't talk to people anymore. Sometimes you have to explode with violence so you can go home to your kids and wife. And when the suspect or mentally ill person submits and you can handcuff them and secure them...you stop and do the right thing. Take them to jail or have them mentally evaluated.

There are plenty of great headlines about police shootings and people dying at the hands of police. They always say "The officer shot him" and they always say "the suspect ALLEGEDLY" did something to get shot. Even in such a statement, you see that the SUSPECT gets the benefit of the doubt but not the officer. It is like the media says" We for sure know this cop killed someone, but we doubt the suspect did something to deserve it."

Officer involved shooting stories lead the news...but not the stories of all the confrontations that ended peacefully or without incident. I worked 60 hours in 4 short days of typical duty a week ago. I handled reports, arrests, arrestee transfers, building searches, a home invasion investigation, callouts for mentally ill persons and a number of other crazy radio calls. But no one died and I had no use of force reports. The past three days I located a missing senior citizen that was kidnapped by a relative, sat in a hospital with an arrestee who was faking a back injury and no one died. My colleagues did similar work, outstanding work in this city of over 3 million. But the headlines read, "Officer shoots some poor guy who didn't deserve it."

What they don't say is that THOUSANDS of officers have died in the line of duty. On traffic stops, on suspicious person calls, on man down calls, on DUI investigations, and YES SOMETIMES TRYING TO SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE. Just take a look: http://www.nleomf.com/TheMemorial/facts.htm

The facts on this shooting are not all in yet, people. Remember that.